On a snowy Tuesday morning in February I gobbled down a huge breakfast of biscuits and gravy before the dietary nazi made her daily visit. When I was finished I stood up to go to the bathroom and thought I had peed my pants. By then, I was HUGE and pretty much peed my pants every day. For some reason I felt like I needed to let the nurse know. She rushed to get the doctor. I wasn’t concerned at all. He checked me and said “Call your husband. It looks like you’re having the babies today. What? Today? I’m only 29 weeks 5 days. Then I was scared.
I called my husband (and my family) around 11:30am and said “It’s time”. He responded with “Time for what?” The babies are coming today, honey. He left work immediately. I was moved to a bigger room and hooked up to 3 heart rate monitors. Uncomfortable. The doctor told me that as long as the babies weren’t in any distress that he would wait for my husband to get there before I was taken into the operating room. My in-laws arrived first. Then my very sweet husband. I will never forget the look on his face. He is a man of few words, but when I look at him I always seem to know what he is feeling. He was pale…nervous…and just as scared as me.
A little after 3:00 I was wheeled into the operating room. I was given a spinal block. Matt was then allowed into the room. He looked pretty cute in his gown and surgical cap. I wondered what life would be like if he was a doctor. I know, what a silly thing to think of when I’m about to be cut open, right?! I just wanted to think of anything other than what was about to happen. Including myself and my husband there was the anesthesiologist, 3 doctors, several nurses, and a neonatal nurse for each of the babies. I just laid on the table and cried.
And then they begin. As I was being cut open my husband and my doctor chatted away about John Deere tractors (Matt is a sales manager for a dealership). When I think about it now, I’m sure the doctor was trying to distract him from watching me being gutted. At the time, I thought that the doctor just needed to concentrate on what he was doing!
What seemed like hours later the doctor says “It’s a boy.” Jase Matthew*was born first at 3:32pm (2lbs 6oz and 15 inches long). He didn’t make a sound. I didn’t even get to see him. I didn’t even know if he was alive. Seconds later “It’s a girl.” Henley Nicole* was born (2lbs 3oz and just over 12 inches long). She cried. It was the most beautiful sound. I didn’t get to see her though. Then at 3:33pm he says “It’s another girl.” Sadie Marie*came last (2lbs 2oz and 13 inches long). No sounds from her either. She was whisked away too. I cried and cried and cried. Not being able to see your babies immediately after they are born is indescribable.
The next thing I remember is waking up in another room with a Neonatal physician giving the status of the babies. I had no idea what she was saying. I was completely out of it. About an hour later I was wheeled into the NICU to finally see the babies. I vaguely remember them from that day. And that hurts my heart. I couldn’t be there for them like a mother should have been. And that is a burden I struggle with every.single.day.
But, the good news is that we are here today…2 1/2 years later with happy, healthy, crazy toddlers. Although them being born so prematurely wasn’t ideal God had a plan for them. I can’t wait to see what else he has in store for my sweet peas. Their lives may have begun at birth, but it was life after the NICU that we all really began living.
*If you’d like to read more about JH&S individually I have linked back to their separate posts I wrote about them recently.